The Woman of the House

Checking in by Accident

2011-09-01T02:13:00.002-04:00

Hello! I've been away for a spell, what have I been up to?

Not too long ago I began blogging about perfume, my obsession for the past year or so. Tonight somehow I'm logged in the other google/blogger account and went to access my dashboard to post and found myself here, at the woman of the house's place. Perhaps I'll put a link to the perfume blog....

So here I am. Where did I leave off? Last March.

After a terrible winter where I found myself down, as in in the dumps, depressed or something, I had no gumption to do much of anything, I barely worked (had unemployment & ebay to live off) BTW, I did really well with ebay this year. I just didn't want to be bothered getting dressed, leaving the house and all, sitting at work and dealing with people, I felt like hell all crappy and fat & lazy, I didn't go out much-although I had a few times I went out into town & shopped, the shopping is a mood enhancer :) I slept a lot, lots of long sleeps and naps. I dunno, I was feeling crappy all around.

In May I hooked myself up with a counselor, I told my regular/physical doctor that I thought I had ADD because I have always had trouble finishing things, starting things, keeping my mind on things and not much ambition to do things anymore. You should have seen me when it came time to pack & ship the ebay stuff out, it would take me all night to figure what box to put each widget in. That and other things overwhelmed me. She referred me to a counseling place. I meet with a fairly easy to talk to counselor every 2 weeks or so. What I mean by "fairly easy" to talk to is that much of the time it's a back and forth conversation, but sometimes she pauses and I've run out of things to say and that makes for an awkward, uneasy silence. Our last session which was two days ago didn't go so well. I was having a bad day, haven't had one in a while.... I was nervous about work and other things (something happened which meant a shitload of work the next day-I didn't cause it, but for some odd reason I was anxious about it) it had been a month since I had last seen her, I missed my bus and had to take a cab, I had my period and didn't feel so great, I forgot my pills and was wondering how I'd be feeling since I wouldn't be able to take the second pill of the day at all, I had no idea what do do when the appointment was finished, was I meeting Hubby? Going into town to meet him or straight home? How would I get my coffee? Ugh, I was a mess and my counselor could tell. Hopefully I'll come back down to Earth and our next session will go better. Actually I felt better after talking with her, a little confused but better than I did when I first walked in.

This counseling thing came in handy because over Memorial Day weekend my MIL became ill and wound up in the hospital. Congestive heart failure, plus she's got a leaky valve and a blockage from what I gather. I'm not running the show this time, thank God, my SIL in New Jersey is. And that brings up all sorts of problems because how in hell do you take care of your mother, talk to doctors and all when you're a couple of states away? Then she asked us if we'd take care of MIL, have her move in with us. I refused, I told hubby I couldn't do it again (because I know most of the burden would fall on me) I said I would have a nervous breakdown and/or run away from home if I had to be a caregiver again. There are 14 children in that family-only about 1/2 of them work, let one of them take the responsibility, not us. She's living at the rehab now, still holding onto her apartment. I have no idea what will happen. Obviously all the issues that I had with taking care of my mother resurfaced when MIL got sick, almost like a flashback. Having a counselor to complain and vent to helped a lot. Didn't fix anything, but I got everything off my chest, and would go to every session with more to problems with that situation to unload. I still have gripes to unload every time, ewww, it's a mess with the MIL being sick and not one of those, ahem, people not willing to take care of their own mother.

Yes, hubby has been VERY good with it all, he visits her the most-nearly everyday, brings her extra food, clothes and whatever else she needs, and has not forced the caregiving issue on me. He also went through everything along with me when my mother was sick, he doesn't want to do it either-as in MIL living with us. His siblings rarely visit. His brother will maybe once or twice a week, there's two living in RI-they come in once a month or less, the one in NJ has been once-she spent a weekend here, a couple from PR are here and have visited once or twice. There's one SIL who will call MIL and complain that her kids don't have any food, MIL will worry and call Hubby to ask to buy her food and bring it over. Ugh, what a mess.

Backing up a bit, in May after a few sessions I got to see the bigger counselor, a shrink I suppose-the medicine woman, she put me on adder all. It worked great up until the past few weeks or so. It put me back in top form, keeping normal hours-going to bed and sleeping when I should-like a normal person, getting up early every morning and going out everyday, going to work-I worked my ass off all summer! Plus I would get things done, laundry, cooking, housecleaning, I didn't sit around and space out deciding what to do first, I just did what needed to be done in an orderly fashion. My hair was clean & fixed all the time, I wore my make-up everyday, and stopped living in my pajamas. I had the desire to go out on my days off rather than sleep all day. I had my thoughts all straight, I could think things through rather than my mind jumping through hoops, and I was aware of what I was doing and did things correctly. But....the past few weeks I began feeling slightly like a slug, like the medicine wasn't working so great anymore. My mind is getting jumbled and blah again. We were at the store, I was talking to a sales person, when that stopped Hubby was talking to me and handed me $100 that he owed me, I told him not to bother me with other stuff when I was trying to figure something out and stuck the $100 in my pocket. Hours later when I was getting a coffee I pulled out what I thought was a one and it was the hundred, and I had to figure how & why that was in my pocket. See how my mind gets muddled? Happened when I went out a month ago with some old friends from out of town. By the time we went to dinner (8pm) I was feeling tired and didn't know what the hell I ordered to drink. "Didn't I order a pepsi? I thought I did." And actually I did, I had forgotten. Well, there were lots of distractions at dinner, my old friends, the dinner and so on.

Next time I see the medicine woman I an telling her that my pills need to be adjusted or I need something else. I meant to mention that the last time (I see her once a month) but when she asked how was I doing I said fine, I thought that was just an opening question, and she'd ask me more in depth later on. I was doing so good, I felt normal and collected, which I haven't felt in a long time. My bottle of Adderall is generic, the name on the bottle is amphetamine salt combo. When I saw that I thought I had the holy grail! Since then I've found out that amps are not the holy grail, I mean I felt together and with it while on them for almost 3 months, not I'm not so together anymore. It sucks.

In other news, everything else is fine. My Chei and Winnie are good, although Chei's last blood tests showed some kidney function issue, slight kidney failure-was that the word? It's late now and my mind is really slowing down. No, early kidney disease, I think. The vet said to only give her lasix once a day instead of twice. She needs to go in for another blood test. She seems fine, she is acting as she usually does, like a monkey, a happy monkey, begging for cookies, wagging her tail.

And of course things between me and hubby are kind of strained, we have the MIL issue now. It's always something. Oops, his alarm just went off, I've got to get going....

Wrapping up

2011-03-10T01:46:00.002-05:00

Final post here. At least for now, maybe when something is bothering me enough I'll return, who knows? With everyone in the world online now I need to keep my thoughts to myself. All my impure thoughts and all.

So...........lemme me see. Love sucks. It's the same old, same old at home with Hubby. I love him but I don't know if he'll ever change and it's the usual if I try to discuss things, I'm "starting something". Like starting trouble. Well, if there's a problem I want to get it out in the open, I get it out there and nothing gets accomplished.

The other guy who I was waiting to return in the spring? Google is a wonderful thing. I see that he's been arrested oh, about 4 times since I last saw him. Disorderly conduct, criminal trespass, shoplifting-I must be forgetting one, but there was 2 shoplifting, one was a larceny and right before I met him, so I didn't have that in the count since he left. Whatever. I'm not dealing with that bullshit.

Then along came another one. That's probably over because I haven't heard from him since Monday, no phone call or email. He goes from almost daily 3 hour phone calls, 6 emails a day to zip. Can't figure them out. Really, what the hell happened there? Here I am making plans to meet him, he was the one who initiated the meeting, and I'm now sitting here checking the frigging email, looking at my phone every chance I get and coming up empty handed. Shit, I really liked this one, VERY intelligent and attractive. Probably too intelligent and too upper class for me. I'm not putting myself down, I'm just looking at things realistically. Yeah we were sort of doomed from the start, but I love a challenge. I love a chase and being chased. God, where the hell is that man? It would be nice if when I sign off here to find I've got mail from him, or a wake-up call in the morning.

But I have that awful, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I won't be hearing from him again. I don't know why, we were getting along swimmingly. But I've got that feeling and that feeling is usually right.

Ok, onto the next victim. And I'm usually the victim in these situations, the one who gets the shit end of the stick.

Over and out.........................

Early Spring Cleaning

2011-02-01T05:49:00.003-05:00

Just cleaned up the 'ol blog. Not much left, huh? I guess I can't discuss much, although I don't have a lot to discuss, not yet and I fear the wrong people finding out my business. Many are online, I don't know in what capacity, but they're out there.

Perhaps I'll take this blog undercover, then I'll have 0 readers. That's ok I guess. I do like to get things off my chest and writing about it helps.

Chico is around. I know if I stick a trap right by the door next to me-which is a perfect place-Chico runs by there and the door is against the wall (hard to explain) but the dogs won't be able to get near the trap-I fear them trying to get a taste of the peanut butter and the trap going off on their faces. Anyhoo, I could put a trap there right now and probably get him, but I just can't do it. Plus then I won't be able to run around the house singing:

♪ ♫ ♪Chico, don't be discovered
the man is gonna get you when he can...♪ ♫

I haven't finished the lyrics to Chico's theme yet. Amazingly enough I am often jovial enough to sing around the house. It's kind of like the old me (before all the troubles with my mother began) is reemerging. Finally.

And another thing..... or two

2011-01-31T15:51:00.000-05:00

I figured out how we got the mice. New people moved in across the street, dug up their whole front yard, that's when they started coming. I've heard that when you or there's digging in the area it brings mice. They don't really have a yard, the house is built on a hill, they had cement stairs on the hill leading to the house, they jack hammered the stairs out and replaced them, and dug up any grass and bushes, replaced and replanted everything.

We've only got Chico now for mice. I call him Chico, I give names to all the visitors: Herman the bat, Matilda and company the raccoons, and I call all the squirrels Chewie.

Chico is very smart, we've got all the mousetraps out and he just bypasses them or something. Hubby saw Chico in the cellar, we put traps in that area they go untouched. That was over a month ago. I saw him scurry across the kitchen floor and under the cabinet below the sink, which has a trap. Nada. When I see him I'll say, "Chico, get outta here!" and he runs. He knows his name. I think I'll put new peanut butter in the traps-what's in there is dried up or Chico has eaten it, I don't know how he could without setting it off. I hate to do it, but the mouse is driving me crazy.

Please come to Boston for the springtime

2011-01-29T14:01:00.004-05:00

♫ ♪Please come to Boston for the springtime
I'm stayin' here with some friends and they've got lots of room
You can sell your paintings on the sidewalk
By a café where I hope to be workin' soon
Please come to Boston.....♪ ♫

*Not going to include a you tube of the song, ugh I can't stand it.*

Before we got clobbered with the snow, I was spending my days off going into Boston. I had a nice little routine going: I'd catch the bus that would take me to the subway which would go past my work, you never know who you could bump into that way ;)I'd start off downtown & checkout Marshall's and TJ Maxx for perfumes (there are 2 right next to each other) turn the corner and visit my cousin at his store, maybe run into a customer friend (yes a male) from work on that street who would walk with me the rest of the way to my cousin's-a 2 minute walk but the gesture was nice. Hang out at Mike's (my cousin) for a spell, then I'd walk to Copley Square, my old, old hang out. I'd walk through the Commons and would usually get on lower end of Boylston St to walk by the area I worked at some, uh, 20 years ago, it's a nice area, almost looks the same as it did. Next I'd walk straight up Boylston, sometimes go into Filene's Basement (NOT the same as the fabulous one downtown-now closed) and another Marshall's-but I couldn't check out the perfumes there, couldn't find an elevator in that store and I'm terrified of escalators. From there I'd go to Saks or Neiman Marcus check out their stuff, call Hubby and meet him somewhere in the South End and go home. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, every time I'd get near Arlington Street that horrible song would get in my head, and I'd think of that guy, hoping he'll come back to Boston in the spring. If I remember correctly they used to sell paintings on the corner if Arlington and Boylston streets, hence the song.

I miss going out, can't go anywhere on my own because of the snow. We live on a hill and I'd break my neck just trying to get to the bus stop. Another big storm is expected next week. Wonder if my sled is still under the porch?

Just something that reminds me of something from this past New Years Eve....... wasn't the most pleasant NYE....